Posted on September 1, 2017
From the dark, forgotten, old VHS-riddled corners of the 90s, comes the musical you never knew you needed (and once seen, definitely with you hadn’t): the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells Tour. In this episode, John, Emma, and Beryl take on the barely tolerable, painfully half-spoken, and obviously sponsored by a large multi-national pizza chain musical (because where else can one find an ode to greasy eats AND an educational ballad touting the moral merits of “talking straight” within the span of twenty minutes?) targeted toward children that, no, really, just falls flat on its face.
In this insult to variety shows, the turtles each don-atello (hahah see what I did there haha sigh) an instrument of choice and loudly proclaim that music is just as powerful as ninjutsu (which is a thing) as a fighting force for a good and must battle the evil Shredder who plans on using his soulfully frightening De-Harmonic Convergence Converter to destroy all music and the world. And yes, the entire 1 hour and 33 minute musical can be found on YouTube in all its awkward, completely forgettable, child-heckling glory.
And a comprehensive plot synopsis as well as official, play by play track listing (if they can be called tracks) linked to lyrics can be found here.
Also if that’s not enough fun for you, a 30 minute documentary on the making of the *choke* musical also exists.
For former child fans of the Turtles, consider this your trigger warning.
Posted on August 5, 2017
Manborg, not be confused with Borgman is a wonderful homage to everything we remember or wish we didn’t remember about 80’s and early 90’s scifi, complete with synth heavy music, neon-lights, hover boards, claymation and great dialogue. Come listen to the crew’s thoughts and reactions to the rag-tag band of heroes like
Billy Idol Justice, Liu Kang #1 Man, Anime/Fighter Chick Mina and our protagonist Robo Cop Manborg. This 60min film made with only a $1000 CAD is the perfect entry point for crapheads to indoctrinate the masses. Don’t let the cheesy title and cover fool you, this film is a work of art.
- Manborg Official Site
- DVD Trailer
- An Interview with Steven Kostanski Director of Manborg
- IO9 Movie Review “Manborg is the greatest bad movie of its generation”
- Manborg TV Tropes
- Biocop Trailer
Posted on July 1, 2017
This month John, Emma, and Beryl discuss the nearly unwatchable Iron Fist, an unfortunate mistake in an otherwise worthy Marvel franchise. Wooden acting? Check. Dialogue that goes nowhere? Got it. Existential crises that go on way too damn long and involves clearing up your identity with way too many people? (“I’m Danny Rand!” “No, really, I am Danny Rand!” “The name is Danny Rand.” “Did I mention that I am Danny Rand?”) All there. Adapted from the comic book from the 70s, son of late millionaire entrepreneurs Danny Rand returns to New York City to reclaim his family legacy after crashing landing and being mistaken for dead and secretly training in martial arts in the Himalayas for 15 years (we’ve all been there, amirite?). Problem is, he first needs to officially convince everyone that it really is him. And this takes, like, literally 6 out of the 13 Netflix episodes to do. Actually, I wouldn’t know because but Emma was the only one that made it past Episode 3. Great for drinking games and inflicting tortuous pain upon ex-lovers. Let us know how far you get.
Rotten Tomatoes (17% – in case you didn’t believe us)
Posted on June 1, 2017
This month we dive into ‘badvertizements’. Taking a look at common tropes of ads gone bad we cover Kendall Jenner’s latest Pepsi debacle (of course), discuss how a cartoon character was mistaken for a bomb threat and why you should never, ever try to use dead people to sell sandwiches. Emma tries to play the neutral party when the discussion gets heated; Beryl tries to rationalize corporate advertising while John thinks ‘the only good ad is a blocked ad’. This is one episode not to miss out on!
- Kendall Jenner Pepsi Ad
- Star Bucks ‘Let’s talk about race’
- Sony PSP ‘White vs Black’
- Chinese Detergent Commercial
- McDonald’s ‘Dead Dad’
- Dr. Pepper Treasure Hunt
- Life Lock ‘I bet you can’t’
- San Disk ‘iDon’t/iSheep Campaign’
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie ‘Guerilla Marketing’
Posted on May 28, 2017
I think its pretty safe to say that this is the strangest film we’ve watched here on the Pursuit of Crappiness. Sure, The Room and Birdemic were awful, but they didn’t have an animatronic T-Rex riding around in the back of a dump truck trying to find a new body to put his stolen soul into. What’s worse is that there just isn’t a lot about this movie on the internet, leaving us to speculate how this could piece of crap was made. We know that there is an Italian R-rated version floating around the internet somewhere. We also know that it was made in 1994 in the wake of the Jurassic Park craze. Other than that, this movie is a mystery. Check it out in the YouTube link below – you won’t regret it.
Seriously, that’s all we have…. Someone call up Denise Richards and get some details!
Posted on April 12, 2017
We Built This City by Starship. Africa by Toto. Friday by Rebecca Black. What does these songs all have in common? They are complete garbage. At least, that’s what they are know as. You have probably heard all of them at one point in your life, but we at the Pursuit of Crappiness are not just content to listen to bad songs, we also have to figure out where they came from and what makes them so bad. So break out the leg warmers and get ready to bless some rain in the front seat (in the back seat?), cause these songs are gonna be stuck in your head for the rest of your day.
- Starship – “We Built This City”: the Music Video
- An Oral History of “We Built This City,” the Worst Song of All Time – GQ
- How “We Built This City” became the worst song ever – A.V. Club
- Toto – “Africa”: the Music Video
- Steve Almond and Toto
- Rebecca Black – “Friday”: the Music Video
- Rebecca Black Tells Us What She’s Been Up To Since “Friday” – Refinery 29
- Soothing Guitar Music: “On The Way” (from album Beautiful Life) by Ferenc Hegedus
Posted on March 1, 2017
More surprising and twice as messy as getting crapped on by an actual bird, the 2010 film BIRDEMIC: Shock and Terror swoops in to this month’s Pursuit of Crappiness episode. “Legendary” Director James Nguyen creates a romance turned horror thriller that many are debating to be the worst movie ever made, holding the #8 spot on IMDB (of the bottom). Get a bird’s eye view of how a flick named ‘BIRDEMIC’ can have over half the movie without any birds in it, the appropriate duration to clap for your boss and our conspiracy theory that Rod is really a bird destroying robot.
Posted on February 1, 2017
1972 novella The Breast written by Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Philip Roth is a story about a man who suddenly physically transforms into a giant 155 pound breast. A simultaneous journey into both revulsion and fascination, the text is crammed full of the straight up bizarre, the sexually repressed, the infuriatingly mad—Freudian theorists would have field day: a nipple as a penile proxy? Please have a seat on my couch and do tell—and makes the reader wonder, what the hell was Roth thinking? Clearly modeled after other absurdist texts (Kafka’s Metamorphosis and Gogol’s The Nose are actually mentioned by name), The Breast purposefully crams a lot of crap in its short 96 pages. Interested in seeing for yourself? No, really, you shouldn’t, but if you do find yourself with the unquenchable throb of curiosity (I’m sorry), then check out the links below.
Until next time! – Beryl
Posted on January 1, 2017
Few experiences are as surreal as watching THE ROOM. On the surface, its a movie with a simple plot, but, thirteen years later, this movie is still causing all of us to ask questions. Why does Denny exist? Why does Mark feel the need to constantly state that Johnny is his best friend? Why does Lisa compliment Johnny and in the very next minute curse his existence? Who the hell are these random people that keep showing up? And, most importantly, who is Tommy Wiseau and where did he come from? We attempted to answer some of these questions in this episode, but, mainly, we just basked in the glory of this cornucopia of crap. If you haven’t seen it, check out a midnight showing at your local theater. You won’t regret it!
- The Room Hotline – (323) 654-6192
- Buy The Disaster Artist here
- IMDB for The Masterpiece
- “The Crazy Cult of ‘The Room'” – Entertainment Weekly
- “The Best Answers from Tommy Wiseau’s Reddit AMA” – Vulture
- “Remembering ‘The Room'” – The Rolling Stone
Cheers! – Emma
Posted on December 17, 2016
Ever wish that Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace wasn’t the worst in the franchise? Well look no further as we explore the odd and bizarre that is the Star Wars Holiday Special. Made in 1978 to keep the hype of the original film going this variety show of tangentially Star Wars related skits has something for everyone (or does it?). This only aired once and never officially released VHS cult phenomenon gives an early glimpse at Boba Fett and Mark Hamill’s voice acting career. This holiday season, celebrate Life Day with us as we open up this ominously smelling present.
- YouTube: Complete Star Wars Holiday Special
- Mental Floss: The Dark Side: An Oral History of ‘The Star Wars Holiday Special’
- Stomp Tokyo: The Star Wars Holiday Special
- Wookieepedia: Life Day
- Behind the Voice Actors: Mark Hamill
May the force be with you – John
Posted on December 12, 2016
Oh My Immortal, what an experience you provided for us. A journey down memory lane for some, a torturous prose for others, but always fun for the whole family. In this episode, we talked about the literary merits of this piece of art, as well as it’s history. We debated if it was a real or the work of some genius troll. We even tried to track down the author, the infamous xxxbloodyrists666xxx. What an incredible way to kick off a podcast about crap.
- My Immortal Complete Text
- “The Bizarre, Unsolved Mystery of ‘My Immortal’, the World’s Worst Fanfiction Story” – Vox
- “The Glorious Immortal Life of My Immortal“ – Buzzfeed
- (My) Immortal – Web Series
- My Immortal Dramatic Reading
Posted on November 22, 2016
We are live! Welcome to the website for the Pursuit of Crappiness, a podcast that explores all of the crappy things in this world and tells you everything you should know about them. We are releasing first an introduction episode (Episode 0) and our My Immortal episode (Episode 1). Then, we are releasing our second episode within a week.
After that, our episodes will be released on the first of each month! Make sure you never miss a new episode by subscribing to us on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.