Posted on September 1, 2017
Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells Tour
From the dark, forgotten, old VHS-riddled corners of the 90s, comes the musical you never knew you needed (and once seen, definitely with you hadn’t): the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells Tour. In this episode, John, Emma, and Beryl take on the barely tolerable, painfully half-spoken, and obviously sponsored by a large multi-national pizza chain musical (because where else can one find an ode to greasy eats AND an educational ballad touting the moral merits of “talking straight” within the span of twenty minutes?) targeted toward children that, no, really, just falls flat on its face.
In this insult to variety shows, the turtles each don-atello (hahah see what I did there haha sigh) an instrument of choice and loudly proclaim that music is just as powerful as ninjutsu (which is a thing) as a fighting force for a good and must battle the evil Shredder who plans on using his soulfully frightening De-Harmonic Convergence Converter to destroy all music and the world. And yes, the entire 1 hour and 33 minute musical can be found on YouTube in all its awkward, completely forgettable, child-heckling glory.
And a comprehensive plot synopsis as well as official, play by play track listing (if they can be called tracks) linked to lyrics can be found here.
Also if that’s not enough fun for you, a 30 minute documentary on the making of the *choke* musical also exists.
For former child fans of the Turtles, consider this your trigger warning.